Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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