i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dick very happy bro
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
