Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
