"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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