i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Send help, water and tortillas.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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