her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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