shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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