so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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