wrigley field is MILF paradise
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize