im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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