I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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