You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
