why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
