I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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