From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
