Even the bartender felt bad for me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
