please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
