well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
