I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
