Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
