i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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