She is in my trunk
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
