We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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