The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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