Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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