my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
