Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
