Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We have started to decorate penises.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
