I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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