I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
