we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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