Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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