what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
