He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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