I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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