I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
