What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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