I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so that wasnt chicken after all
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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