i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
