I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
