I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
