Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize