i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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