What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My ass is underappreciated
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
