More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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