I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
