There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
then he tried to convert me to islam
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
