I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
