can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
