a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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