Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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