Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize