u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
