I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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