the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
