i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
