She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize