So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
