So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
