we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
