Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
