yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
