remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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