I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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