i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
