this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
