i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
