My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
