I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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