New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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