In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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