thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
