I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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