OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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