I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He passed out mid-signature
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Let's paint friendship bongs
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
