I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
jump out the window naked night went bad
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